I'm on tour again...
Lake Maggiore...

But I'm floating again..

lost though...

Everyone has at times ...
a wrong timing...

for expressing their loneliness...
their wish to share...
 and their gifted souls...

Some choose the wrong timing as a style of life...
and say it's the world's fault...

some like me..

Listen to the rhythm...
Know it's  rules instinctively..
But then let go...

Believing a personal music doesn't need synchronicity...
But they are wrongly stubborn...

Since flowing with the Universe is maybe the only way to feel free...

At times I get in a soft wild mood...
The world flows smooth on my skin and soul...

And I can feel the tenderness of the evening breeze...

My soul opens wide in silk petals...
in a  secret blossom of my "esprit"...

And I want to share...
Be loved..
 Be embraced...
Kept safe from the world's storms...

And I am the first to...
Love..
Embrace...
and keep Safe...

Expansion in Beauty...

At times though ...

I just catch the void...
and see nothing around than old heartbreaking phantoms..

Where is my smooth softness going to flow ?

I feel sad...
when he takes them away...

I feel a bit lost...
I know I shouldn't...
they like to go with their dad...

But he has lots of time already with them when I work out of the city or country...
Much much more than other fathers have...
but then he's  always absen't..
doing other things..
and when I'm back he "needs " to see his sons..

No, I'm unfair maybe...
Maybe I just feel lonely..
I don't want my children to spend time with another woman...

I have been down...
a lot of times in these last years..

I have asked for help..
and often got it...
people saying to me ..
keep your chin up..

Then the same people letting me down even more..
Doesn't really matter in the end everything passes..

there is the one that has found happiness with another woman..
even if his the father of my kids..

there is the one that has crossed an ocean..
to make his mind stop thinking..
but forgot to tell me he was going for good..

there is the sensual one..
the "animal" he calls himself...
he never really cared about me...
I was just another animal for him..


I never understand things as they are regarding men..

I know it's never the world fault..
just mine..
and how I look at things...
but seems I never learn my lesson..

I decided to take a break..
from everything..
from people that are worth nothing..

I will just take a break

and look the other side..
remember who I am

what I am..

and above all..
the simple thing that

I am..

I am wrong..

Wrong when I close my eyes and shut my ears ...

When I pretend I don't see the unjustice..

When I pretend I am not invloved in the world's affairs...

When I see people suffering without reason...

And just think "that's life"...

I know I am wrong..

But what could I do ?

I feel helpless...at times..

sometimes the world is a too big affair for me...

Then again I am wrong...

when I have a brain and don't use it...

when I have a body and don't use it at it's best...

When I let my creativity and Faith asleep...

When I give up...

And head for the gutter...

just because it's an easy way to follow...

I am bloody wrong...

I should wake up...

again...day after day...morning after morning....

and still be wake up at night ..night after night...

my soul...not my body...has to wake up...

again.....

and shout out loud...

whatever the cost may be...

whatever the price to pay... 

becuase life is short...

too short and precious...

 

The probelm when you have Faith is that sometimes you can't really understand what God is asking from you....

Maybe He's shouting in your ears ....

Maybe He's leaving you signs all over the place...

But you just sit there ...
With no clue at all...
Desperate and lost...

At least when you have no Faith...
You don't have to discover "Why" and "What"...

Because anything is everything....

But when you got Faith...
You have to kick your ass off and ask yourself...
"Where next..?"
"Am I on the right way...?"

I like God...
But sometimes He's a tough teacher...
and me maybe a bit of lazy pupil...

     "Love me "
 

    " I can't "   

     "Hold my hand"
    
     "What for?"
    
    " I feel weak. I feel lonely"
   
    "Sorry , I cannot do anything about it"

.............

  If you happen here....

I would like to give you my warm and caring embrace....

May you all have a Joyful and Serene New Year...

I thank you ...think you ..need you...

Hope to find you again....